another sleepless night

So what do you do when you can't sleep? well this morning (its now 4am )I thought I would update my blog before I hit the road again this week . So needless to say this post will most likely be drivel so please dear reader just look at the photos and let me have a rant !! I've been up since 3 am yet again which is not good as it means another day of dragging myself about in pain.
Will I never learn ?!! There are so many things that need to be done but why oh why can't I get it through my thick skull that I can't do it all and just leave things be . Its has definitely been all or nothing for me and my motto has always been 'take it to the limit ' , well I think its time to change that motto !! I did at last stop yesterday but too late as I was overtired and felt worse if anything. It isn't even that I get much done , well as much as I want to do which is the most frustrating thing; it seems as if it just takes me longer to do the same things . So do I have to accept the fact that I am getting old ? well yes we all are !! but I am suddenly feeling older , at least physically . Throughout my illness I have fought to do things, I will not give in and I don't intend to now but I am seriously going to have to slow down and accept things as they are. I keep telling other folks to be kinder to themselves so why don't I do it myself ? This may just be a bad patch I am going through and things will hopefully get better. I also think this medication gives me a false sense of physical well being which I haven't had in a long time so I am aiming too high . I have forgotten how poorly I have been in the past when I spent days doing nothing but sit and knit and now want to rush to do everything. The one good thing is that at least I do stop now before ending up even worse or in hospital . I haven't been admitted now in a good few years which is brilliant as there was a time I lived there practically .
So yet again its time to re-assess things , organize my time better, accept I can't do everything and STOP feeling guilty & upset if I can't ; move out of the fast lane and give the dust time to settle. After all I am a big girl now who is going to tell me off if I haven't done it all ?

Right rant over , back to what I have been able to do lets concentrate on the positives..

Last week was almost like Christmas had arrived early what with my lovely parcel from Lin and then I had entered a spinners swap on Ravelry. This is the first time I have done anything like this and it was great fun stalking my partner and then a different person was stalking me . I so love buying for other folks and it was so lovely for someone to spoil me too with goodies I knew I would love as it was all done with me in mind and by someone who had the same passion for spinning and fibre that I have and boy was I spoilt. Take a look at this lot


There was the most wonderful squishy hand spun which will end up as a cowl . I love having other folks hand spun and as a spinner you know the time and effort that it takes to make it ,so it is extra special.

There was dyed fibre to spin plus some silk hankies for me to dye. Love spinning them :)

Fridge magnets , stitch markers, chocies, lovely Lush smellies, mug and the cutest little robot that had been made by Helen




I was totally overwhelmed by it all and so much thought had been put into the parcel. A big thank you again Helen if you read this :)
Funnily this last week a few Helens have entered my life with different things and one Helen has bought a few of our rovings and also kindly asked for commissions too which is very flattering. Its amazing the friendships that fibres bring into your life isn't it ? Another Helen has asked me to do another spinning demo and talk for her 'A' level students; something which I will have to think about as its a bit of a journey , but again it was lovely to be asked .

On Thursday I went to one of my SWD Guild were we had a willow weaving day and I made a plant support and a small willow hurdle. Great fun but back breaking and I would love to do some basket weaving at some time so have put my name down for that workshop !!

We had a wonderful sunny weekend so we spent all Saturday making a start on clearing the garden. Again a time to re assess and have a clear out and we are digging up( I say we, meaning DH !!) a lot of plants which are taking over and I can't manage and will replant with low maintenance things. Sad to see trees , shrubs and plants dug up but I am glad to say not thrown out , they went to our neighbours big garden and I can still see a few of them from our garden too :) Its the right time of year for them to move and they will have the room there to spread and thrive . I used to be such a passionate gardener and its another thing I have to learn to let go of. So we have now put the plant support in with a clematis to grow through , and the rest is planted with ground covering roses and patio roses and even when the plant support rots ,which sadly it will do, then the clematis can weave its way along the ground . I was so shattered after all that work that I didn't take a photo and now of course its back to the rain again but it looks good and even better we are getting more light into the kitchen and sun too (when we get it !!)

Talking of weaving earlier I still haven't photoed that rep weaving I made and have now warped the loom to make (hopefully) fabric out of my hand spun to make a waistcoat. I say hopefully as again I find it painful bending over the loom . I am not ready to give up on it yet but I might have to do it a bit at a time . On the knitting front I am making a really boring sweater with some yarn in my stash . I really need more jumpers but as I have gained weight I don't have enough yarn to make anything with a pattern :( and I am not buying any more yarn (in fact I am clearing it out )Also I am taking part in the Solid Sock KAL on Rav and making this months orange sock. The pattern I have chosen is frustrating me as I have had to frog it twice due to errata but I'll get there.Hopefully pics in my next post !!
Spinning is still my passion and saviour and I have been doing a lot of that. My goal is to give hand spun , hand knitted gifts to all this Christmas ; I see a lot of cowls ahead of me :) well they are the new scarf aren't they ? Or so I read on Rav!! personally I have always favoured them to scarves , much cosier and practical . I do wish I had one room that I could leave all my fibre paraphernalia out permanently as I am using the drum carder at the moment but will have to tidy it all up before I go away . I have a few small bags of alpaca in different shades with the intention of making some fair isle but I fell in love with a waistcoat pattern in the latest IK so am now blending some browns together and some white and fawn together in order to make it. I still also need to finish off the Corriedale too for that cardi I wanted . I never used to start one thing before finishing off what I started , what went wrong ? I need to get back to how I used to work and that would give me more satisfaction in seeing an end result. Definitely a time to re assess prioritize and then maybe I will sleep better without things buzzing around in my head LOL. Surely as a perfectionist in what I make it would be better to concentrate on less things? The only downside of that is that I am not always up to carding or weaving etc so have to take the easy route of spinning tops etc
Also I love the dyeing part of my life, hence the shop but that too must not end up as a chore , we have had quite a few commissions lately which is great but I do not want it to take over my life. I need to keep reminding myself that I am only selling stuff in order to feed my fibre needs and no more, I want time to do other things too . If I was fit or if DH does lose his job then it would be different(there are large redundancy in his workplace this week )

Well I will have time this next week or so to switch off and make a list of what needs to be done and what will have to go. I am off to DD and am so looking forward to it.It will be so lovely to be looked after , play with Miss Emily and DD and I always sleep better in the van as well :) Then it will be the open day at Andy's which will be fab as we are meeting up with Amber and Cecilia and lots of other fibre fanatics so it should be fun. Then Amber and Bob will come back with us for a few days and Cecilia will be in the area also visiting family so hopefully we will all have another get together.

Crikey life is certainly never dull and nor would I want it to be ,I just need to get back to my Libran balancing act.
Right off for another cuppa and I might go back to bed for a bit to see if I can at least rest a bit. Catch up with you in a few weeks time.

PS : If you have read this far, phew thank you :) and I have just this minute remembered I won an award from the lovely Ange which I will try and add before I go away. Diolch yn fawr iawn caraid :)